I have struggled with my weight since I was 8 years old, gaining a significant amount in just a matter of months. I was swiftly put on a diet and told to not eat what my siblings ate. Not to mention my early rise to womanhood, which didn't help my mental state when I suddenly found myself with curves that could not go un-noticed by my peers--all at the tender age of 12.
You know that freshman 15? Ya, I gained more like 40 pounds. And you know that healthy weight gain with pregnancy? I gained 80 pounds with my first child. A male doctor scolded me telling me I was "lucky" to not have gestational diabetes because of my size. He actually sneered it at me, like he was mad that my test had shown negative to prove his point that I was considered obese. I went into the patient room feeling like a carefree expectant mother and came out feeling like a fat cow, shamed for gaining so much weight.
My first born is now 13. And I've managed to lose well over 100 pounds since his birth. It has been blood, sweat and tears to say the least. No diet pills, no surgery, no quick fix. It has been a decade of trial and error, of pushing forward despite resistance, of failing over and over and over again. I have had personal trainers--one in which told me that he couldn't believe that I could run so far, as he looked me over and cleared his throat and said "you know, because of your size." I've had an ex-husband who hated that I tried so hard to lose weight. He often said to me "who are you trying to be better than?" Many days I believed what they all said to me...that I was incapable of changing.
I know the biggest hurdle over the last 15 years of my life has been my mental state regarding who I am and how closely I relate my pant size to my self-worth. The two have been bound at the wrist since I was a child. The mental game is the hardest, and I mean absolute hardest part to change and get over. People can say nasty things and if they penetrate your heart, the words can take root and will paralyze you from moving forward. Many, many times things people have said about me or to me, regarding my size has stripped me of the ability to move forward. Some meant to actually encourage, others knew their true intent and spewed it out like hot lava.
But the more you get set free internally, the more comments don't bother you and the more you know who you are and what you are worth. I know that to be true for me. The more I have dealt with the internal conflict and pain, the more someone can say something about me and it just doesn't stick. And I'm all about using our own pain to help release someone else's. Last year I started health coaching people through an amazing, life-changing program. Because trust me I've done it all, and they are not created equal. But my own weight loss at times doesn't seem good enough in some people's eyes. Most recently, even though I have lost over 100 pounds, and now sit at a curvy size 6-8, I had another woman---another mom, one who isn't even in shape herself--look at me and say "your'e a health coach?" Her awkward glance at my thighs revealed her true thoughts.
I paused and took in her actual meaning, and realized that she knew not what she was saying because it was filtered through her own insecurities about herself. And in reality had absolutely nothing to do with me. So often hurtful comments don't have anything to do with us at all. In years past, her comment would have made me self-loath and second guess. I'd hear the whisper you are not good enough or thin enough to help others. Who are you kidding?
But I just looked at her and asked her to join my health group instead.
People will often predetermine who we should or should not be. They will say we aren't qualified and lead us to believe the lies that they believe about themself. They will voice it (because God forbid someone mind's their own business.) They will cut you down in order to make themselves feel better. It happened on the school yard playground, and it happens in mom's groups. Children just grow up into adults with the same woundings.
I do know if I was still 100 pounds heavier than now, what type of health coach I would want....
I would want a health coach who knows the struggle. One who has experienced the hell of being on every diet known to man, and still failing.
I would want a health coach that applauded me every time I messed up and helped me get back in the right mindset.
That's the kind of coach I would want. One who has been there, and at times is still there.
So yes lady, I health coach people to a better, more healthier weight. I am in the trenches with them. I am struggling along side each one of them. I am open and honest and determined to continue on my health and wellness journey. Because I will not, and I mean WILL NOT allow someone to predetermine that I am not qualified to help others because I am not a size 2 with a perfect 6 pack.
Our past makes us qualified. Each one of us. I am qualified. You are qualified. There is so much value in failing and getting up again. But I know most importantly, our journey's are meant to be shared. All of it. Because without it, we all are just going around life pretending we never went through hard things. Sharing in the struggle, saying to someone Hey, I'm here with you. THAT is the definition of love...letting go of our own pretending that we have it all together and letting others see it all-- the good, and the bad... thick thighs included.
XO
Carla
If this blog touched you in some way, please consider sharing it.
And want to jump start your own health and wellness journey? Join me in the fastest growing lifestyle program, that not only changed my life but has changed thousands of other's lives.
0 Comments