I passed by this old abandoned bridge this summer. It made me think of all the creatures and people that once used it, a vital tool to get to from one side to another. I'm not really sure why this bridge was no longer in operation, it just wasn't. I'm sure larger, bigger bridges took it's place with more safety precautions added, allowing larger crowds and weights to cross safely.
It was a beautiful bridge, and I found myself staring. I think it was that we were in the middle of pandemic. Unprecedented times blah blah blah. If I never hear that phrase again it would be too soon. But nonetheless, I just sat staring, giving my mind the permission to think without care.
Man, I want this year to be over. I can't wait for it. I hate everything about this year.
Real thoughts that consumed my thought life. I don't like change, I'm not sure anyone really does. But what choice did we have in this unfathomable year? Because that's what I thought as I stared at the bridge...you can get to the other side but really you're just carrying the same load.
The same thoughts.
The same issues.
The same fears.
You are the same person.
There is nothing magical of crossing over to a New Year. We may think of it as a bridge to new hopes and new beginnings. Fresh starts and a new found hope. But nothing will ever change without a willingness to unclench the old that we so desperately try to cling to. New seasons mean that something has to die off. And usually that something is us. Fresh starts means letting go of the raging desire to control. I think we can all agree that this past year made us all realize how little control we truly have over our lives and the security we place in that control.
It's the control thing that sends most of us over a hyperbole edge. We lost control. And no New Year is going to give it back to us. Because we never EVER had control.
This bridge on this day reminded me...
I do not have control. I have finally realized and accepted that thought.
And I'm not mad about it. All the fake pretenses and shallow beliefs have finally fallen to the waste side, and finally...
Oh finally, I feel like I can breathe.
Because you know what? I crossed over this year.
I've made the decision that I don't need to be in control to be okay. My whole inner peace is not found in me controlling every aspect of my life. I have been stripped, beaten down and given a new sense of perspective. I can still be in process and be okay.
God always wanted me here. This place, where just this morning I whispered to Him. I don't know how to change. Please help me.
I'm not at some magical arrived place, I'm just at a willing place. And I think that's just where God wants us. To just be willing to place our trust in a Known, Foundation in him, acknowledging that bridges to New Years and new days begin and end in Him and He, friends, HE IS IN CONTROL. There are no surprises. No mistakes. No Oops that shouldn't have happened. There is ONLY well-thought out, careful planning in every detail of our lives and it's up to us to believe that.
Happy New Year Friends!
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